A relationship horoscope

Aries

There are abandoned cities where everyone left because the reason for having a city in that location disappeared. At no point were there an official decision to abandon the town; for a myriad of small reasons, all local and rational, everyone just left, one by one, until only the buildings remained. So too with your relationship – it just might be time to let go

Taurus

In the long run, your aversion towards hurting others will cause exponentially more pain and suffering than being the straightforward, unequivocal jerk you fear to be could ever inflict

Gemini

Ask not for whom the bell tolls. You do not know them, and they will only remain happily married for so long anyway

Cancer

Love is not something you have but something you do, and you do it in such excess that poems should be written about it

Leo

You will find someone with whom you will say “this is life, and we are doing it, right now”

Virgo

Cats will gravitate towards you

Libra

As society becomes an ever more entangled mess of interlocking systems, each with their own internal logics and tendencies, the individual ever so gradually becomes of secondary importance. You, on the other hand, are the kind of person who do not shy away from hacking international supply chains to give your sweetheart the perfect Valentine’s gift

Scorpio

She dreamt she was a bulldozer, she dreamt she was alone in an empty field

Sagittarius

The contradictory and incomprehensible rituals of modern dating have so overwritten your notion of what it means to get into a relationship, that you have in essence giving up all hope on ever finding someone. This resignation, writ large, has profound effects on the real estate market

Capricorn

Things just might become easier if you give up the distinction between vaporwave and the things it ostensibly remembers; memory – like love – being something you do rather than have

Aquarius

Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?

Pisces

Just remember to fall in love. There’s nothing else

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