How to become a billionaire

Here is the process, in full

First, begin with a piece of string. A solid, useful, reliable piece of string that can be used for many purposes. Trade it for a rubber band. Travel to an office building, and trade the rubber band for a pen. Go to a flea market, and trade the pen for an antique cassette tape. Go to a record store and cash in this unique Genesis bootleg. Buy a bagel for the bum outside. He will give you a harpsichord. Take the subway across town and enter into a musical contest after the announcement that another act had to cancel last minute. Lose utterly. Ask one of the attendees if you can crash at their place, seeing as you’re down on your luck and far away from home. Steal their prized buffalo trophy belt. Travel across town again. Wear the belt to impress onlookers. Ask the celebrity for an autograph. Learn to copy it flawlessly, then use it to set up a nigh undetectable stream of revenue. Use this money to pay rent and buy a nice suit. Show up at a bitcoin scam convention and impress everyone using fancy language. Sell the bitcoins twice on the dark web. Rent a room at the conference center. Secure a contract from the Department of Defense by talking to the drunk man in the toilet. Use the fake signature. Visit the Orkney library. Read the newspaper, then gracefully accept the impromptu dinner invitation. Tell the story of how you lost a music contest once. Go home. Sell the bitcoins a third time. Repeat the conversation with the drunk man as many times as is necessary; should the need arise, use the belt to generate new celebrity signatures

Enjoy your new life as a bona fide legit billionaire

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