A horoscope of authorial demise


As you prick yourself with your golden quill pen, you ponder how ironic a cause of death this would be. This was indeed an ironic last thought to have


No one will remember your works of fiction. Your fictional works, inserted into bibliographies of grand narratives, will however live on forever


As a prolific author penning many avant-garde works, you only ever met with fledgling success at best. That one throwaway idyllic piece about the virtues of simple forest life, however, became an integral part of the national mythos for generations to come


You fell asleep under a pile of cats and was never seen again. We envy you


Your books spawned a bustling empire of fan fiction; however, for reasons unknown, you yourself have been comprehensively banned from participating in said empire


At one time during a subway commute, you thought of a great idea for a book. Then someone sneezed, and you forgot all about it


During generations to come, they might acknowledge wiki entries as authorial works with merit beyond zero-degree writing


No one could muster the energy to cite your works properly, and your ideas were retroactively attributed to Foucault


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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It is a truth universally acknowledged. But I digress


As the unimaginable horror from Beyond crept ever closer, an inexplicable impulse made you describe the process in extensive detail. It crept closer, closer. Now, it’s grabbing your leg, dragging you towards its gaping maw; as your extremities have all been devoured, you scribble one last final warni


In English writing we seldom speak of tradition, though we occasionally apply its name in deploring its absence. We cannot refer to “the tradition” or to “a tradition”; at most, we employ the adjective in saying that the poetry of So-and-so is “traditional” or even “too traditional.” Seldom, perhaps, does the word appear except in a phrase of censure. If otherwise, it is vaguely approbative, with the implication, as to the work approved, of some pleasing archaeological reconstruction. You can hardly make the word agreeable to English ears without this comfortable reference to the reassuring science of archaeology

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