A brand new daylight saving’s horoscope


They said you’d lose an hour, but they never said which. So they took one that seemed unimportant. A Wednesday afternoon in middle school, geography class. You were taught about the importance of rivers and how you can predict where towns are simply by following their bends and curves. You used that knowledge to great effect in your storytelling efforts. Then they took that hour from you


You know how you sometimes sit down and outwardly don’t seem to do very much, but inwardly your mind is a vat of liquid metal in a mental furnace of emotional processing, and while you don’t remember what you thought during that time, the fact that you actually did think it lets you approach the world in a calmer, more mature way? Yeah, you got another one of those hours


In the olden times, episodes of TV shows were exactly 43 minutes, so as to make room for commercials. Together, they would make up an hour of actual televised time. in these new times, episodes can be any length they want. This episode is one hour and five minutes


Cats will gravitate towards you. But only for this one hour. Be sure to appreciate the gesture while it lasts


Popular belief is that time flies when you are having fun, and that it slows down to an unending crawl when you are bored. This belief is true, but not necessarily justified. All this saving of daylight this way and that causes ripples all along the time-space continuum. Be wary of blissful moments that seem to last forever; you might get stuck like that


The clock will finally be correct once more, after having been one hour off for oh so long


Only you can save the space-time continuum. Synchronize your watches


There are places in this world that are heavy with the passage of time, as if history itself weighs down on them and demands tribute. As they do right now. That extra hour, cough it up


It is amazing what things are committed to memory and which things are not. You can remember the phone number of a friend from 30 years ago – there were phones back then – but the entirety of last week is but a mere outline, whose transpiring you have to take on absolute faith. This has nothing to do with daylight saving’s, but you won’t remember that


You asked if we are there yet. Yes. Yes we are


If you think about it, life is all a matter of timer management. Every nibble of food you eat starts a timer until you starve, every bit of water you sip, every breath you take, – they all reset the timer. If any of them run out at any point, it’s game over, no insert coin for extra credits. Which is to say, when in doubt, feed your friends


A common trope in science fiction is that there are an infinite number of worlds, one for each possible branching path. If you had turned right, that’s one world; if left, another. For each and every path not taken, a world. What they do not tell you is that daylight saving’s was instituted in order to avoid falling into hell world; the hour is nudged to and fro in such a way that the worst possible outcomes are deftly avoided, without overtly telling anyone that’s the point of it. What we are saving is metaphorical, rather than literal, daylight

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