That time I started a true crime podcast

Episode 1

Me, introducing a true crime podcast: he has done it before, more times than you can count, a crime so blatant and callous that it boggles the mind. yet, he still walks among us as a free man, unbothered & unpunished for his vile deeds. I am of course talking about the Jaywalker
Cohost, interjecting: uhm, jaywalking isn’t actually illegal, you’re just supposed to not do it by virtue of it being a really bad idea because of the danger to life & limb
Me, crisis managing: I can sense the premise for this episode falling apart as we speak

Me, introducing episode 2 which is now episode 1: the law is clear, and has been for thousands of years. Yet, he persists, and is preparing to break it again even now. this week, he will not rest on sabbath day
Cohost, sighing: also not illegal
Me: there is a trend emerging here

Me, introducing episode 3 which is now episode 1: contracts are-
Cohost, clearly in psychic pain: the fact that minors legally cannot enter into contracts, and thus are not allowed to buy things in stores, is an edge case and does not count as a crime
Me: how did you know

Me, introducing episode 4 which is now episode 1: as organizations grow bigger and more complex, power & influence tends to gather in small groups of people, regardless of how democratic the organization is initially
Cohost: the iron law of oligarchy is not a real law
Me: gosh darnit

Me, introducing episode 5 which is now episode 1: it is a demographic oddity that population density in countries trends towards one really big city, a few medium sized ones, and lots of smaller settlements
Cohost: power law distributions are a math thing
Me: could’ve fooled me

Me, introducing episode 6 which is now episode 1: Vriska did no-
Cohost: Vriska is a fictional character, and as such is not bound by laws other than grammatical. Only physical & legal persons are so bound, and thus able to commit crimes
Me: that’s what I was going to say

Me, introducing episode 7 which is now episode 1: in this episode
Cohost: if this is about the dril tweet about facing god and walking backwards into hell, then I swear to
Me: hello and welcome to episode 8, which is now episode 1
Cohost: buddy,
Me: …yeah, you got me

Me, introducing episode 9 which is now episode 1: as we all know, the vaccines gave us 5G superpowers, which allows us to download podcast episodes on the fly, and lift spoons through magnetism
Cohost: where is this going
Me: it’s a crime we didn’t get them sooner
Cohost: true

Me, introducing episode 10 which is now episode 1: they live in a legal gray zone, in the juridical inbetween, in the unclaimed no man’s land where the law has yet to make itself known
Cohost: that’s not what ‘paralegal’ means
Me: this kills my puns about parallel parking semis

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