Category Archives: Dialogues without protagonists

In case of emergenc

The first thing about crisis management is

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Sorry, cat on keyboard. Anyway, the first thing about crisis management is

[an urgent text message makes the phone tip over a glass of water]

Sorry about that. So as I was saying, the first thing about crisis management is

[someone knocks on the door]

Well, that was an interesting fellow. Moving on, the first thing about crisis management is

[an army of spambots invade the mailbox, with the gradually less pleasant “you got mail” sound effect noising each time]

Now there’s a settings menu I’ve not seen in a long time. But where were we? A, right, the first thing about crisis management is

[an angel with broken wings thuds both visibly and audibly a short distance away]

The Lord works in mysterious ways, but it would seem basic first aid is the tenure track to helping Him along. But, the first thing about crisis management is

[absolutely nothing happens]

[then more nothing]

[the continuing nothing is strangely emboldening]

is

[the soundtrack of a very familiar horror movie is somehow projected into the room]

Right. Run. Just run.

More longer friend see that sky

Gesundheit! she said.

You can’t begin like that! It will confuse the search engines and audiences alike! People won’t know what language it’s in! he replied.

Sorry.

No matter. Let’s move on.

Keeping up with the cardiac dysrhythmias?

No.

This tweet is big enough for the both of us?

No.

Click here – this content might surprise you?

No.

Sexts from the attic!

No.

The flappy pipe dreams of unnamed birds?

No.

The horse that couldn’t read books?

No.

The revolution will not be underpowered?

No.

Is that a blog post in you pocket, or-

NO.

Home sweet retweetable home?

No.

La belle social media fodder sans merci?

Wat

But wait! There’s more!

No.

Your subtweet’s so fat that-

Let’s not go there.

YOUR OPPOSABLE THUMBS MEAN NOTHING!

Uhm.

BOW DOWN BEFORE ME, HEATHEN SCUM!

Wh-

I SHALL WREAK IMPERIALISM ON YOUR ASS!

Ehm.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BLOG TITLE!

There most certainly is.

To the days to come that are still perfect.

That could be a good tagline.

More longer friend see that sky?

…you know what? Let’s go with that.