More longer friend see that sky?

Early on, the organization figured out that the single biggest predictor for if someone believed conspiracy theory x is whether or not they believe conspiracy theory y. There seemed to be a general propensity to believe in conspiracy theories in general, regardless of the specifics of any one theory. Mole people, black helicopters and the faked moon landing are all, somehow, of a piece

This presented something of a challenge to the recruitment office, who wanted to find a process to screen out the more dedicated theorists without also scaring off more grounded candidates. Initial attempts to ask about unrelated yet conspiracy-adjacent topics, so as to indirectly suss out whether the person had a propensity for such thinking, were called off after a rumor began circulating that one of the standard questions was related to aliens. That was not the particular kind of attention they needed at the time

At length, they figured that the best way to find out was to give the prospects an informal communal free lunch. Those whose conversational topics trended towards the conspiratorial could easily be identified, and those who were merely nervous about the possibility of being hired could be ushered towards that very possibility. The success rate was not 100%, but it more than made up for the cost of the free meals. Overall, it was one of the better counterconspiracies of the organization

To whom it may concern,

I am honored that you have considered me for this award/nomination/appointment/coauthorship/[appropriate term here], and take great pride in being a name mentioned in the discussions surrounding this occasion. Truly, I am in great company.

However, I can not in good conscience accept this award/nomination/appointment/coauthorship/[appropriate term here]. The reasons for this ought to be obvious, as your efforts at due diligence should have indicated them in extensive detail. I wish you well in your search for a better suited candidate.

Sincerely,

1. Give me the virtues and wisdom required to gracefully face the situations I will find myself in

2.

3.

It began as a simple exercise in efficiency. Providing historically active clothing for time travelers turned out to be a costly enterprise, especially given the many varieties of fabrics used over the ages, all treated in different ways so as to suit geography, fashion and socioeconomic status. When seen in the long view, it all seemed a bit much. Thus, the time travel consortiums gradually begun setting up small historically appropriate fashion business all across their respective slices of the time-space continuum. The leading thought being that if you can’t beat them, joining them for a marginal profit is preferable

Naturally, things did not go according to plan. Instead of being marginal footnotes in the history of fashion, obscure yet recognizable garments appropriate across most relevant ages, the enterprises turned out to be economic juggernauts utterly dominating their respective settings. In other circumstances, this might have been a win; in the context of stealthily studying the natural evolution of societies undisturbed over long periods of time, it was anything but

Fortunately, given time travel, it was only a matter of going back to the first time this idea was broached and discourage it. As the saying goes: better luck next timeline

Store scout

Knows exactly what everything costs everywhere. Can make a shoestring budget last for days

Unfortunate telepath

Can read people’s minds, but does not care enough about others to do so

Porn connoisseur

Can instantly become friends with just about anyone. The details of the bonding process remain unknown

Fandom lore explicator

Can escalate any conflict to levels previously unthought of

Unwitting sagaciousness

Can give sage advice, but only on topics of which they know nothing; +3 lore

60s kid

Never lost touch with the far out realms of human experience; receives massive penalties to social interaction skill checks

90s kid

Remembers everything: -5 dexterity

Adventure game protagonist

Is constantly baffled by other people getting stuck in seemingly random situations

Visual novel protagonist

Seems to know everything about everyone despite having just met

Storekeeper

Can transform any item into local currency; is not allowed to run any kind of business whatsoever

Horoscope crafter

Can create a horoscope appropriate to any situation; refuses to get a driver’s license for ideological reasons

World’s fair expert

Has a nigh-encyclopedic knowledge about everything relating to world’s fairs; gains -10 morale during the Olympic Games

Store clerk

Will discuss the logistics of Death Star construction and maintenance at all possible moments

Youtube celebrity

Has an audience in the millions; not a single one of them lives nearby

Local single

Can instantly teleport to any area; +15 to locate people skill

Single mom

+500 endurance

App developer

The UI is turned off during gameplay; cannot save

Actually an alien

Clueless about pop cultural references; +30 morale in Canadian forests

Soccer fan

Enters states of hyper rage or euphoria seemingly at random

Bitcoin enthusiast

Cannot buy or sell items; -20 to barter

Delinquent youth

Have read every book in the library; can talk circles around adults, landing them into all sorts of trouble

Poet

Secretly never learnt the difference between blank verse and free verse; +5 lore

Librarian

In possession of unimaginable superpowers; have for their own inscrutable reasons chosen to use these to serve the public

Spawn from Beyond

Attends local high school; +25 relationship points with goths

Hermione

Protagonist from a famous series of fantasy novels; only available as an Easter egg

Hypermasculine sidekick

No one must know your secret shame

Wearer of white, pink and blue

The only character that can unlock the true ending

Cat whisperer

Cats gravitate towards you