Antediluvian atavisms

A thought occurred to me as I left the Imperial Archive. I have been told this is a common occurrence upon leaving these vaunted halls. It has something to do with how the brain ambiently processes information, ever scanning its surroundings for threats, obstacles or opportunities. Entering a new room triggers this mechanism, given all the new information it suddenly has to process. The Imperial Plaza provided the opposite of new information, which was a very distinct quality of informational input. No one knew why the Ancients had chosen to place the Archives in the middle of a vast expanse of finely crafted yet uniformly flat stonework, or why the subsequent generations and iterations of Ancients had chosen to keep it that way, yet there it was, utterly obliterating any previous line of thought to give rise to a completely new line of flight:

If truth is contextual and prone to vary as the needs, priorities and wishes of those who happen to inhabit said contexts change, what hope is there of an eternally valid archive? What manner of preservation could hope to stand the test of time? When the barbarians were at the gate, what manner of argument swayed their course to loot some other building? Why had the Imperial Archive survived and been able to continue its archival function, while the empires it nominally served came and went according to the savageries of entropy? What use could the archived material be if it was transcribed according to priorities foreign to those of the contemporary residents?

Perhaps – and this is the thought that occurred to me – the answer is to be sought in the very plaza that so confuses and surrounds the Archive. Trying to take the Archive itself would be a tactical nightmare, moving too many troops over the vast expanse of flat terrain. With a minimum of preparation, any current empire could turn the Plaza into a kill zone, a no man’s land where angels fear to tread. A weaponization of the negation of information. Even if the Archive were somehow successfully occupied, there would be nowhere to go; it did not connect to anything, and to get back to the battle any invading army would have to cross the same featureless terrain again. With no material gain to be had through conquest, the building was left alone.

And so, when the barbarians had battered down the gates and made their bids to imperial power, what they tended to find out was that they needed someone to administrate their newfound empire. Moreover, they needed someone to train these administrators. Seeing as there was an institution right there which would be willing to do just that, no strings attached, most barbarians opted to include the Archive in their newfangled imperial ambition, thus ensuring the continuation of the Imperial prefix.

These musings did not answer the question of how to keep knowledge relevant over generations, but it did shed light on how to go about sustaining the attempt. Perhaps this, too, was a clue in its own way. The first step in creating an Eternal Archive was to create a surviving archive; the rest could be figured out with the time given.

Losing the plot

The advent of quantum computing really threw the wrench into cryptography. By making computational speed an arbitrary function of coding, of basically figuring out how fast these things could be made to go, any given implemented protocol would soon find itself outpaced by a more recently implemented hack. Secrecy became a function of frequent updates, which ultimately came down to how fast you could make your coders work. These same coders had, through some miracle of actually existing communications technology, unionized and gotten something asymptotically approaching decent working conditions. The genie would never again go into that bottleneck, and thus other avenues than mere mathematics had to be explored

The key realization came when a digital humanities scholar made an off-hand remark that fiction could contain a nearly arbitrary amount of information, if written intertextually enough. Fan fiction, in particular, excelled in constructing densely connected webs of references, countersigns and internal winks that would utterly nonplus those uninitiated, but be completely apparent to those in the know. The key to keeping something a secret, then, would be to hide it in plain sight in such a way that it was functionally illegible to society at large, and even more so by incorporating false narrative leads familiar to those wanting to figure out what was what. At last, the cryptographic arms race could finally continue apace

On the twelfth day

Matters have become exceedingly strange in these latter stages of the quarantine. Upon venturing into the seldom visited nooks and crannies of my domicile, I have chanced upon new and unfamiliar items previously unbeknownst to me. I described these peculiar new discoveries to my cohabitants, who did not recognize said items even as I laid out their aspects at great length. Mere moments later, upon conducting an ocular inspection of my exotic acquisitions, they made it known that a distant acquaintance, referred to colloquially as “aunt Martha”, had ceremoniously bestowed these peculiarities to our abode during the annual celebration of the birth of one member or another of the household. Heavily implied in this assertion was the fact that it was common knowledge that these objects had indeed been in place all along, and that the only confusion in these matters was caused by my overly ornate and quixotic verbiage on the subject matter. Perhaps, the smaller one of them concluded capriciously, we had – hypothetically, perchance, mayhaps – been “cooped up” in here ever so slightly too long, facilitating the initiation of a gradual decline of our (meaning my) mental capacities. This, if true, would be an exciting development indeed, for what could be more interesting and open-ended than the discovery of a brand new self to delve into and discover anew? I do so hope that the quarantine will find reason to be extended, allowing me further possibilities to extend these investigations. The truth, surely, is in here somewhere

Zarathustra on podcasting

The goal, of course, was to produce a text such that no part of it could be understood out of context. Each and every sentence would have some idiosyncratic characteristic or other, making it context-dependent in such a way that any attempt at quotation would require extensive explication. Or, if this could not be achieved, it would refer to some component of the sentences prior or afterwards, making quotations an effort in ever grander parameters of inclusion, until it all simply became too much. Better yet, these semantic interlinks could transcend mere adjacency and refer back to some passage many lines or pages ago, necessitating an even further scope of hermeneutic inclusion for those in search of a quote. The goal, thus, was an impenetrable fortress of words flowing over the reader, either like a revelation unfolding one interconnected line at a time, or like a comforting glossolalia whose beginnings and ends were as arbitrary as the particulars contained therein

Where conspiracies lead

Early on, the organization figured out that the single biggest predictor for if someone believed conspiracy theory x is whether or not they believe conspiracy theory y. There seemed to be a general propensity to believe in conspiracy theories in general, regardless of the specifics of any one theory. Mole people, black helicopters and the faked moon landing are all, somehow, of a piece

This presented something of a challenge to the recruitment office, who wanted to find a process to screen out the more dedicated theorists without also scaring off more grounded candidates. Initial attempts to ask about unrelated yet conspiracy-adjacent topics, so as to indirectly suss out whether the person had a propensity for such thinking, were called off after a rumor began circulating that one of the standard questions was related to aliens. That was not the particular kind of attention they needed at the time

At length, they figured that the best way to find out was to give the prospects an informal communal free lunch. Those whose conversational topics trended towards the conspiratorial could easily be identified, and those who were merely nervous about the possibility of being hired could be ushered towards that very possibility. The success rate was not 100%, but it more than made up for the cost of the free meals. Overall, it was one of the better counterconspiracies of the organization

A Socratic dialogue on eye contact

“In Aristotelian physics, every object has an inherent telos. Telos means goal, where something is headed. The telos of a rock is down, so it will try to move in that direction at every chance it gets. The telos is what causes the rock to go down. This is important. The telos causes the motion”

“Telos causes the motion. Got it”

“The rock may lie still for a very long time, even centuries, but the telos is unchanging and eternal. If, after a very long time, a rock is given a chance to move downwards, it will do so with all the speed it can muster. It will do so until it yet again finds itself in a situation where it cannot proceed downwards, and thus begins the wait anew”


“During the Renaissance, Aristotelian physics stumbled into a crisis. For most things, it explained worldly phenomena adequately to get you where you needed to go. Moreover, showing that you understood the principles of this physical model of the universe meant that you could reap social benefits. It was the cool stuff in the protoacademic world. Monks, clerics and easily impressed aristocrats loved it. It was the done deal. However”


“However, someone built a crude device that allowed for opening and closing of doors. An automaton, we might call it. It opened a door, then closed it again. Open, close. Open, close. Those were the modes. Today, we don’t consider that a big deal. But back then”

“This can’t be good”

“They couldn’t reconcile this opening and closing with the inherent telos of things. Rocks go down. Birds go up. Cats go either way. But the thought of something having as its eternal inherent telos to move back and forth does not fit into this model. It is too mundane and undignified to be an eternal constant”


“So the model broke down. It could not explain this thing. This simple, easily understood thing. It opened and closed doors, simplicity itself. And yet, as the realization of this model failure spread, people started to point out other things that were not adequately explained by the Aristotelian model. The cracks began to show, and slowly – ever so slowly – new models were adopted that could explain the physical world more adequately”

“I see. So what does this have to do with eye contact?”

“See, here’s the thing. The process I just outlined can be easily understood if explained properly. It’s not difficult to grasp. It is, however, kinda hard to keep it firmly in mind at all times and apply it to all situations you happen to find yourself in. It is very easy to return to a default mode which is not thinking about the slow but inevitable decline of the Aristotelian physical model of the universe”


“Yes. It’s not that I don’t listen or pay attention. It’s that I literally forget that eye contact is a thing that’s relevant to the situation. Unless I specifically focus on doing it, I’m defaulting to a mode of not doing it. Just like you default to not thinking about Aristotelian physics for 99% of your waking life”

“Well hot daym. This is useful information. I shall endeavor to remember this in our future interactions”

“Thank you”

The business of the future, today

Dear Bank,

My business proposal is as follows. I intend to run a business at a loss for a decade or so, relentlessly driving down the price point to such a degree that my competitors will be unable to successfully act in a competitive fashion. The goal for this initial stage is not to make a profit, but rather to eliminate any serious organized competition and establish a functional monopoly. At that point, I will make efforts to remove the structural possibility of new competitors arising, partly as a function of being in a monopoly position, and partly by lobbying the local government into enacting legislation making it difficult for new businesses to establish themselves. From then on out, I will expand my activities to neighboring business sectors, gradually enlarging my functional monopoly to such an extent that profit becomes something that can be enacted arbitrarily at will. Clearly, you can see the potential earnings in such an enterprise.

For this purpose, I require a zero-interest loan of several tens of billions of dollars, with no or very low rates of repayment in the first ten year period. As already demonstrated, my proposal requires access to functionally infinite amount of money for this period in order to drive out the competition. However, the upcoming profit margin will be well in excess of any repayment plan we will negotiate at that time.

As to branding, I am currently contemplating Guinea as an overall name. People like rainforests, and I want to initially appear harmless, so the third largest such forest should suffice for my purposes.

Sincerely yours,

J Sozeb

Recipe for new dreams, v1.1

Go to new places

Go to old places

Go to familiar places and explore the overlooked nooks and crannies

Go to unfamiliar places and make them familiar

Walk every street in your city

Take different routes home every day

Pop into a shop just to see what’s inside

Find out what’s on the other side of that bridge

Pick a book at random and start reading

Meet new people

Meet old people

Ponder where your habits are taking you

Get new habits

Eat a new food every month

Ask him out

Ask her out

Become friends with all the neighborhood cats

Take a train to somewhere you’ve never been before and just walk around

Buy groceries from different stores each week



Open that book that’s been in your bookcase for years

Ask someone for a music recommendation, then download their discography

See what there is to see

Cook food with your friends

Leave nothing undone

Do it now

The divine comedy of Kenneth

the frequency
what is it

we need it
the frequency

they have laser eyes now
like Jessica Jones
the frequency
hurry, please

they have begun acting out elaborately choreographed dances
we suspect it to be some sort of arcane ritual meant to consume the souls of those caught within
the frequency
we need it to escape

this is the end of the world as we know it
we’re really in the spotlight here
drive, drive, drive



your brilliant plan worked
by powering through successively worse iterations of hell, we finally hit a point where the Caelestial buffer overruns, and we have entered into the most exalted of heavens
you unstoppable, conceptual bastard

From whence the future came

The pitch

We are a cutting edge, forward looking company seeking the best of the best, the brightest of every generation. We strive to do things that have never been done before, so as to make tomorrow look like yesterday. By striding boldly into the future, we will advance the cause of science and economics alike. Nothing is too new or unexplored for us. If there is anything to be done for the first time, we will do it in a trailblazing fashion. We are not bound by tradition or convention, and will innovate at every turn. The future will remember us with reverence and awe


Two master’s degrees and seven years of relevant, extensively documented work experience

The actual job

You will be expected to perform tasks related to accounting, bookkeeping, gardening, sanitation, copywriting, web design, HR management, car maintenance, municipal policy wrangling, labor relations, geoengineering, email server maintenance and fashion design

The pay

Ask not what the company can do for you, but what you can do for the company. Good company is its own reward

The benefits

Our recreation rooms feature many state of the art arcade machines, some of which can not be found anywhere else. The free pizza is baked by local artisans who have meditated at length on the optimal way to prepare each individual ingredient. Just as we take great care to ensure that our employees have every creature comfort available to them whilst bringing the future to life